


Try

by akamine_chan



Category: due South
Genre: Challenge: ds_match, Community: ds_flashfiction, M/M, team_angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-24
Updated: 2007-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 16:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/101556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray tries really hard to be the home that Fraser needs.  And Fraser does the same.  But it's hard, really hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my angst-licious rebuttal to Team Romance's gooey LJ graffiti, their so-called ["love letter 18"](http://akamine-chan.livejournal.com/1561.html). Muchas gracias to Keerawa for pointing out some problems and helping a newbie out. You rock!
> 
> Warning: canon character death

Ray tries really hard to be the home that Fraser needs. And Fraser does the same. But it's hard, really hard.

They spend every spare moment on trips to the Northwest Territories (_Northwest Areas, Frase_). Every hour of vacation time is carefully hoarded and put aside for the next trip up.

They rebuild the cabin. It takes a while, a lot longer that Ray had expected. Of course, he had expected simple amenities like near-by stores and delivery trucks. And _electricity_.

But they get it done. Ray is not only good with engines, he's good with his hands in general. And he's fiddled around on enough construction projects that this doesn't faze him. He can do this. Fraser just tries to stay out of his way and watches in amazement as it all comes together.

"Not bad for a Chicago flatfoot, huh?" He grins cheekily at Fraser.

"No, Ray, not bad at all," Fraser replies, staring at the finished cabin with a sense of surprise. He should know better than to underestimate Ray's abilities.

They continue to try, in spite of the setbacks. Ray's life is cluttered and he's something of a pack rat; he wouldn't know a cleaning utensil if Fraser hit him over the head with it. Fraser, on the other hand, has never really lived with anyone. Aside from the brief period at Depot, he's always lived alone, except for Dief. Dief and dishes were never an issue. Ray and dishes _are_ an issue.

The arguments are spectacular. Ray has a hair-trigger temper that boils over quickly, and then all is forgiven, just as quickly. Fraser holds grudges for much longer than anyone has the right to. And when he least expects it, he hits Ray _bam!_ with a reminder of whatever stupid thing Ray had done _last_ time they fought. But they try.

When Fraser isn't looking, Ray broods. He worries about what's going to happen when it's time to do or die. What is he going to do when Fraser finally gets the transfer he's been waiting for and is ready to pack up and shake the dust of Chicago off his boots? What happens to Ray, then? 'Cause liking to visit the Northwest Areas is a hell of a lot different than _living_ there. Permanently.

He chews absently at a hangnail and hopes that he can do this. He's got to be able to do this, because Fraser is absolutely the best thing that's ever happened in his life and he doesn't know if he can let him go.

They continue to try and one day Fraser is late coming home from work. When he finally walks through the door, he's clutching an official-looking document in his hand. Ray's stomach clenches hard, because this is _it_. This is the transfer. Bloom, close, kick 'em in the head. Dog paddle for your life.

His throat is dry and "Where?" comes out like a croak. He clears his throat and tries to not look as terrified as he feels.

"Home," Fraser replies simply, and looks at Ray. And that look, that look sees clearly into Ray, sees the uncertainty that he was trying so very hard to hide. "Oh, Ray." He drops the transfer document onto the table and steps forward to where Ray has frozen in place.

Moving slowly, carefully, like Ray is a feral animal about to attack, Fraser puts his arms around Ray and pulls him in close. Holds him tight, feeling the shudders wrack Ray as he hides his face in the red serge. "Easy, Ray, easy. Easy," Fraser croons, rubbing his cheek across the top of the spiky hair. "I'll just have to tell them no."

"No!" Ray looks up so fast he almost head-butts Fraser. "You won't!"

Fraser cups Ray's face in his broad, capable hands. "You're not ready to go." He strokes his thumb across the arch of a wet cheekbone. "Together, remember? No mountain high enough."

Ray closes his eyes and takes a deep, steadying breath. "Tell them yes. I'm not ready, but I will be." He smiles wanly at Fraser. "I just need a little more time. But I'm going." His smile is a little brighter now. "You go ahead, scout the area out, find us a place to live. That'll give me time to clear out the apartment, make arrangements for the Goat and Turtle..." He takes another deep breath, swallowing hard. "I love you, buddy."

"And I you, Ray."

And Fraser kisses him so sweetly, so softly that he feels the burn of tears in his eyes again.

They continue to try. One month bleeds into two and then three. Both of them really hate the long-distance-relationship-thing. But they try.

Ray's long distance bill becomes larger than the national debt of many small nations. They talk endlessly. Ray tells Fraser about the trials and tribulations of packing and shipping everything he wants to keep and getting rid of everything else. It's been really hard since everyone seems to think he's gone insane and they keep trying to talk him out of this. But Ray is determined.

Fraser regales him of tales of lost tourists, polar bear cubs and summer wildflowers. He tells Ray about the difficulty of some of his patrols which cover, in Ray's mind, a ridiculous amount of territory. He tells Ray how much he misses him, how empty the house and bed feel without him.

Another month passes by and Ray's fighting with the landlord over damage deposits and subleases. He slams down the phone, grumbling, and there's a knock at the door. He stomps over and flings open the door, ready to kick in some heads.

Standing there are Lieutenant Welsh and the Ice Queen. Ray tilts his head, puzzled and more than a little curious. "What's up, Lieu?" he asks. Welsh looks like he's lost his best friend and the Ice Queen doesn't look much better.

Welsh takes a step into the apartment and places a gentle hand on Ray's shoulder. "Ray, we have something to tell you." He guides Ray into the living room and pushes him onto the ratty couch that no one's been willing to take.

Ray takes a deep breath against the fear that's starting to sink into him. "Is it Stella?" he questions, looking up into Welsh's sad face. "Did something happen to Stella?"

"No, Detective. ASA Kowalski is fine," the Ice Queen - no, Meg, Meg Thatcher answers gently. "It's Constable -"

Ray looks toward her, seeing the truth written in the sadness on her face and on Welsh's. "Oh. Oh, no," he whispers. And then his world ends.

_Is it like this  
In death's other kingdom  
Waking alone  
At the hour when we are  
Trembling with tenderness  
Lips that would kiss  
Form prayers to broken stone._

from The Hollow Men by T.S. Eliot

-fin-


End file.
